He Isn't Ours

This past week we took our 2 1/2 month old son, Ryan, to get a CT scan and an ultrasound. He was born with something called a congenital aplasia, and after going to several doctors and even driving to Atlanta to meet with a doctor, we took the little fellow to get these scans. They doctors told us that it was probably nothing to worry over, but that these tests would confirm. Before I go any further, we did get that confirmation that he is perfectly normally (well, except for the genes he inherited from me), and that the scans were all clear, and that the worst he'll have to live with is a dime-sized bald spot on the side of his head.

We went with the technicians as they placed our son in the CT scanner. They had to place pads around his head to keep him from moving and then slid him back into the machine. My wife and I talked about that scene later as we drove home from the hospital - just how emotional it was seeing him being put into that scanner. My first thought was, "I can't imagine having to see your child go through test after test like this." I suddenly had a deep compassion for parents whose children face serious medical issues and have to go through this kind of experience over and over.

As we talked about that experience, we reminded ourselves about how both of our children are not ours. It is so hard to really believe that truth, but we have to allow that truth to find its way into our hearts or we will drive ourselves crazy trying to protect our children from every little thing and completely control their environments. We talked about how our children are a gift from God, and that they ultimately belong to Him and are under His protection. We reminded ourselves of the story of Hannah and Samuel, and how desperately Hannah wanted a son, and once he was born she both spiritually and literally gave him over to God to serve in the temple. We talked about her words, which I'm sure were said with many tears: "I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord." (I Sam 1:26-27) We've found that this is the hardest thing to do, and yet yesterday we were reminded, as we saw our son in that machine, that we cannot control everything that happens to him and protect him from everything. He belongs to God; we are simply Ryan's foster parents, caring for him the best we can.