Sex, Sleep, and Snoring

The first command given to mankind from God was one that many people are willing and able to follow: "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number.'" (Genesis 1:28) So, God's plan is clear on the fact that men and women are to 1) Reproduce. Secondly, we are told that Christian married couples have a certain obligation to engage in sexual relations with one another for a purpose beyond just reproduction: "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband... so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (I Cor. 7:3,5) So, the Bible is clear that mankind is to reproduce (note: this does not mean that a child-less couple is out of God's will any more than a single person is out of God's will. If reproduction was an individual requirement, as some Christians try to proclaim, then Jesus would have been out of God's will) and that Christian couples are to engage in sexual relations with one another in order to help their partners avoid the temptation to seek sexual fulfillment outside of marriage. So, that part of marriage is clear from the Bible.

What is not clear, though, is whether or not Christian couples have some sort of obligation to sleep in the same bed together. In other words, is it okay for a Christian couple to sleep in separate beds or even separate bedrooms? Obviously Ozzie and Harriet were able to get away with sleeping in separate beds, but Mike and Carol Brady decided that they needed to be in the same bed. But what if one partner snores really loudly? Is it then okay to sleep in separate bedrooms? Or what if one partner likes the ceiling fan on Cessna speed while the other partner needs the air movement in the room to be a little less than 75MPH? What if, only hypothetically now, one partner is pregnant, likes the temperature in the room to be only slightly above freezing, cannot get comfortable so she's constantly rolling over, and wakes up in the middle of the night to watch television, while the other partner is a light sleeper? If that purely hypothetical situation were to take place, does the Bible prohibit that pretend couple (who really do love each other a whole lot, but one of them just isn't any good without his necessary sack time...) to hypothetically sleep in separate, but hypothetical bedrooms? Is there a moral obligation on that couple to always sleep in the same bedroom? And, is it justifying behavior to say that one of the hypothetical partners may perhaps be a lot nicer after getting the proper amount of sleep, thus being a better husband and making for a better marriage? Is there any kind of Christian rule on this matter? And, is it okay for just a period of time (like during the last trimester of a pregnancy)?

I'm just asking, you know, just in case the hypothetical ever becomes reality...

Butler Jesus

A good friend of mine recently forwarded me a sermon by John Piper, pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota. In this sermon, Piper asserts that for so many people in America, their Christian life never goes beyond turning to Jesus for their needs and wants. Piper states:

"Instead they (nominal Christians) have absorbed the notion that becoming Christian means turning to Jesus get what you always wanted before you were born again. So, if you wanted wealth, you stop depending on yourself for it, and by prayer and faith and obedience you depend on Jesus for wealth. If you wanted to be healthy, you turn from mere human cures to Jesus as the source of your health. If wanted to escape the pain of hell, you turn to Jesus for the escape. If you wanted to have a happy marriage, you come to Jesus for help. If you wanted peace of conscience and freedom from guilt feelings, you turn to Jesus for these things.

In other words, to become a Christian, in this way of seeing things, is to have all the same desires you had as an unregenerate person—only you get them from a new source, Jesus. And he feels so loving when you do. But there’s no change at the bottom of your heart and your cravings. No change in what makes you happy. There’s no change in the decisive foundation of your joy. You just shop at a new store. The dinner is still the same; you just have a new butler. The bags in the hotel room are still the same; you just have a new bellhop."

Piper's point is this: for those who have become followers of Christ, the source of our joy changes. Our foundation of happiness is not found in what Butler Jesus can deliver to us, but rather in Jesus himself. Our joy is not found in what we get from Jesus, but in the fact that we are able, through his death on a cross, to have a relationship with the God the Father. Is my life spent making much of God, or hoping that He makes much of me?

This sermon certainly causes me to do a heart check. Is my passion to see God's name made great, or to see my own needs and wants met? Do I view Jesus just as a my Divine Butler, or are my prayers that he would be glorified through my life? From where does the core of my joy and happiness come? What am I hold onto as the greatest treasure? At the end of the day, no matter how much God blesses me, self will never completely satisfy me. My supreme joy has to come in my relationship with God.

Who Am I?

So this week I'm reading through the events of the last week of the life of Jesus. (I'm using Luke's version, so I started at Luke 19 and reading through to the end of his account). This morning I read through the accounts of Jesus being questioned (more like verbally attacked) by the religious leaders. I was amazed all over again at the answers of Jesus - he took on the scholarly elite of His day and put them in their place every time they attempted to trap him (check out his amazing debate skills in Luke 20).

But the question which plagued me as I read through these passages was, "Who am I in this story?" In other words, which character would I have been in that day? Where would I have fit into these accounts of Jesus being challenged by the religious mafia? I came up with several possibilities:

A Sadducee - I dismissed this one pretty quickly. These guys were the social upper crust of their day. This red-neck Georgia boy would never have been asked to be part of their club.

A Pharisee - These guys were the religious leaders of the day, so yeah, I guess that there is a chance that I could have fit into that group. Most of them weren't fans of Jesus, though... he was upsetting their system. So I wonder what my reaction would have been if my "status quo" was being challenged?

Part of the crowd - These were the rubber-neckers of the day. They stood on the edges, listened to the debates, laughed when Jesus put the religious leaders in their place, but also chanted "crucify Him" when Jesus stood beside Pilate. They weren't committed either way; they just wanted safety, security, and their next meal. Yeah... I bet I could have been a face in that crowd.

A Disciple - These were the guys who abandoned everything they knew to follow Christ. Sure, they flinched when Jesus was arrested and crucified, but ultimately these guys came through because nothing mattered more. Man, I sure would love to say that I would have been one of those guys.

I've found that it is really easy to Monday morning quarterback all these different characters, point out flaws and mistakes and to make statements like, "I would have..." But during this week leading up to Easter Sunday, I've been plagued by this nagging question - who am I in this story? And... I guess the more important question - what in my life now proves that I would not have been one of the bad guys? It's a hard question to ask; maybe harder question to answer. And yet... what could be a more important question?

What's in a name?

Alright... so yesterday we got the big news... this August we are having... a son! While I was mainly just happy to hear the words, "As far as we can see, everything looks find and the baby is healthy," and while I would have been just as excited if it was a girl, there has definitely been a lot of dreaming about what it means to have a son. We've got a precious little girl, Elizabeth (who turns 1 year old today, by the way), and it has been the thrill of a lifetime to be her dad. But now I get to start dreaming about this future baseball / football player / golfer / soccer player and all the games that I'll get to sit through and yell at blind referees / umpires. For the last 24 hours, my thoughts have been in the sports world. For my wife, though, her thoughts have been on one thing - what will we name this man child of ours? The moment we left the doctor's office, the discussion began. I came up with several names - all of them were shot down. Here is the list of names I thought would work. I'm certainly open to suggestions, but let me warn you - don't get your feelings hurt if your suggestion is shot down. I thought the ones below were all home runs, and, well... turns out that they had "K's" put beside each one. Here are the "winners" I offered:

General (such a fine name anyway, but combined with his last name, he'll make the Wheaties box even if he's not the best athlete).

Cotton (anyone ever heard of Cotton Mather, the famous pastor of the 1700's? Katie says with that name he'll sound like a pillow factory. Plus we have friends who've already taken that name for their little boy).

Concord (my Charlotte friends will get that one).

Wind (I know, not as creative, but if he became a pitcher, would give the guys on ESPN some good lines for when those batters whiff his split-finger fastball).

Saw (Waaayyy to graphic for my wife, but can't you just imagine him being a linebacker with a name like that? He would cut through that offensive line like a... well, you know.)

Seven (100 bonus points if you can tell me what television series that is from).

Sue (not only is it a family name, but according to Johnny Cash, he'd be the toughest kid in school).

Well, the bad news is that none of these winner names turned out to make the contender list. I just bet you we'll end up with some old boring name like John or David or Paul or... Kevin.

Crazy Love

Without a doubt, my favorite book is the Bible. There is no other book I've discovered that speaks to me over and over like that book. It is amazing to me that I can read a passage from the Bible that I know I've read two or three dozen times before, and for some reason, I will see some new concept or application for my in the passage. There is no other book that continues to change my life like the Bible.

But... every now and then I'll come across some other book that will really speak to my heart. In January a friend recommended to me Crazy Love by Francis Chan. It is a fairly short book - maybe 200 pages, but I have been reading it for nearly two months now. It's not that I'm that slow (please... no snide comments from those who know me), it's just that the book is so convicting, I've had to read a few pages, then stop and digest and pray. The thrust of the book is that as American Christians, we've become quite complacent in our faith. We are fine with lukewarmness. Or, to quote Chan directly:

"This (lukewarmness) went against everything I was reading in the Bible... I began to compare all aspects of my life to Scripture. I quickly found that the American church is a difficult place to fit in if you want to live out New Testament Christianity. The goals of American Christianity are often a nice marriage, children who don't swear, and good church attendance. Taking the words of Christ literally and seriously is rarely considered. That's for the 'radicals' who are 'unbalanced' and who go 'overboard.' Most of us want a balanced life that we can control, that is safe, and that does not involve suffering." (p 68)

Please do not read this book if you are not ready to be challenged to make your pursuit of God the number one priority of your life. You won't get past the first few pages without tossing the book aside. But if you want your heart spurred toward a whole-hearted pursuit of God's presence in your life, I highly recommend this read.

Med Center Northway

This week I'm beginning a new sermon series called, "Med-Center Northway." The focus of this series is that our church, and churches in general, are supposed to be places of spiritual healing. And yet, far too often, those who are not part of the church perceive that church is a place for those who are already well. The perception that I've heard so many times from those outside the church is, "I need to get my life right before I go to church. I'm so far from God right now, my life is so full of junk right now, I'm so spiritually sick right now, that I just don't think I would be welcome at church."

I take my share of the blame for this false perception that we've given. Jesus said in Matthew 9:12 (and Luke 5 and Mark 2), "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." Jesus understood that His purpose was to go to the very people who were hurting, or outcast, or felt far from God. Those were the people who desperately needed the healing touch of the Great Physician. But somehow we have sanitized the message of Jesus enough that now the church isn't a hospital, but a place for those who are already well.

I've thought at times about placing on our church, just under the cross or in some other conspicuous location, the Caduceus (the medical symbol of two snakes coiled around a rod that is surmounted by wings. By the way, I realize that there is controversy over the use of this as a medical symbol, and that many have argued that the appropriate symbol should be the rod of Asclepius, but that is for someone else to figure out.) I would place this symbol on the outside of the church in order to announce to the world, "If you are hurting, if you have issues, if you are spiritually sick, then THIS is the perfect place for you. Jesus came and died on the cross in order to spiritually heal you!"

Will the church in America ever get to the place of being seen as a hospital? Who knows... maybe I'm just a dreamer...

Church Tipping

When my wife and I began dating some years ago, I quickly learned that one of her pet peeves, in a major way, was bad tipping in a restaurant. I would leave what I thought was a decent tip (i.e., 15% of the total bill), and she would invariably ask me to put down another couple of dollars. See, she'd worked as a waitress and a hostess while in high school and college, and nothing burned her more than bad tipping. Of course, I did not think 15% was bad. She thought it needed to be more in the 35-40% range. I quickly started suggesting take-out...

A friend of mine recently sent me an article about church tipping in particular and Sunday diners in general. Here are a few nuggets from that article:

I recently encountered a post by a Christian psychologist Richard Beck. He writes, provocatively, “The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth.” He admits that he exaggerates, but I agree with him that he has a point.

Though I’ve never been a restaurant server, I’ve seen this complaint before: the after-church crowd are rude, demanding and stingy. Ever since I heard about this, I’ve become more conscious of the way I treat service workers. My sense of Sabbath makes me feel a little guilty about eating out on Sundays at all, but I’ll admit I do it anyway, sometimes in large groups. These large group, split the check situations are notorious for tipping problems, it’s complicated math, you think maybe somebody else will make up for you if you short the bill a little.

This brings me to this question: how would Jesus tip? My first thought is that Jesus might be the server, but of course service in the Bible was different from how it is today. We can think about some general principles Jesus exhibited though. Jesus thought it was important that people be treated kindly, he frequently treated outcasts with respect and kindness. If we follow this example, we should certainly be kind to service workers. Jesus also cared about people getting enough: he made sure there was enough wine at a wedding, he miraculously fed thousands. I wish our restaurants paid their employees enough that they could survive on their wages alone, but they depend on tips, so we should be aware of that.

When I think about this attitude, it makes it a lot easier for my natural tightwad to put an extra dollar in that jar or on that table. What better use for a few dollars than to repeat God’s generosity toward others? Perhaps our best witness is when we are most aware of the gifts God has given us and sharing those with others. Maybe next, I can work on showing this same grace when I’m driving my car…