Church Tipping

When my wife and I began dating some years ago, I quickly learned that one of her pet peeves, in a major way, was bad tipping in a restaurant. I would leave what I thought was a decent tip (i.e., 15% of the total bill), and she would invariably ask me to put down another couple of dollars. See, she'd worked as a waitress and a hostess while in high school and college, and nothing burned her more than bad tipping. Of course, I did not think 15% was bad. She thought it needed to be more in the 35-40% range. I quickly started suggesting take-out...

A friend of mine recently sent me an article about church tipping in particular and Sunday diners in general. Here are a few nuggets from that article:

I recently encountered a post by a Christian psychologist Richard Beck. He writes, provocatively, “The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth.” He admits that he exaggerates, but I agree with him that he has a point.

Though I’ve never been a restaurant server, I’ve seen this complaint before: the after-church crowd are rude, demanding and stingy. Ever since I heard about this, I’ve become more conscious of the way I treat service workers. My sense of Sabbath makes me feel a little guilty about eating out on Sundays at all, but I’ll admit I do it anyway, sometimes in large groups. These large group, split the check situations are notorious for tipping problems, it’s complicated math, you think maybe somebody else will make up for you if you short the bill a little.

This brings me to this question: how would Jesus tip? My first thought is that Jesus might be the server, but of course service in the Bible was different from how it is today. We can think about some general principles Jesus exhibited though. Jesus thought it was important that people be treated kindly, he frequently treated outcasts with respect and kindness. If we follow this example, we should certainly be kind to service workers. Jesus also cared about people getting enough: he made sure there was enough wine at a wedding, he miraculously fed thousands. I wish our restaurants paid their employees enough that they could survive on their wages alone, but they depend on tips, so we should be aware of that.

When I think about this attitude, it makes it a lot easier for my natural tightwad to put an extra dollar in that jar or on that table. What better use for a few dollars than to repeat God’s generosity toward others? Perhaps our best witness is when we are most aware of the gifts God has given us and sharing those with others. Maybe next, I can work on showing this same grace when I’m driving my car…

Tear Down This Wall!

It was 20 years ago this week that these words of President Reagan were realized. Just two years before, President Reagan stood at the wall that divided East and West Germany and gave a strong admonition to then Soviet President Gorbachev: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!" No one could have imagined at the time that within just a couple of years it would become a reality. I was in high school at the time of this event, and not much in world news was generally of interest to me (my top priorities were: girls, sports, friends, girls, hanging out, girls...) But I distinctly remember sitting in front of the television and watching that event as people used whatever they had to break off pieces of that wall and as East Germans, most of them for the first time in their lives, were able to get a taste of that precious thing called freedom.

It's been twenty years, and since that time all the other former Soviet republics, and Russia herself, have given up on the "ideals" of communism and embraced some form of democracy. The truth these countries have discovered is that people and societies function better when the citizens have a high level of freedom. The less freedom that exists, the more society tends to struggle. This contrast is nowhere better seen than when you compare North and South Korea. Same people, same area of the world, but one country gives its citizens freedom and flourishes while another keeps its citizens in bondage and they are literally starving. Societies and people flourish when they have a high level of freedom.

Unfortunately, in our country and in many around the world, we have those freedoms given to us by our constitution, but so many people find themselves in bondage. In the United States, while they may have the freedoms given by the Bill of Rights, people are in chains to addictions, or to dysfunctional relationships, or to some sin that has a hold on them, or any number of other things that can keep make us feel trapped. If you do not believe that there are things in our world that can imprison us, just talk to someone who has tried to give up smoking, or someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs and feels completely trapped by that substance, or someone who is addicted to pornography and would love to be free from it. We may have freedom, but we so often allow ourselves to be thrown into a prison we've created.

Galatians 5:1 reads: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Jesus Christ died on the cross not only for us to have forgiveness of sin, but freedom from sin. Through Christ, we are able to be free from those things that can chain us and make us feel imprisoned. Maybe today there is something in your life that has you feeling like you are a prisoner of your own making. Here's a little advice, encouragement, nugget of wisdom, or whatever: if you really want to tear down that wall and to be free from that thing that binds you, then focus your attention on the One who gives us the ability to find true freedom.

TIME

The concept of time is fascinating. If you think about it too much, you'll absolutely go crazy, but the very existence of time rules our lives. We are bound by the clock, and time treats everyone the same. Time is the ultimate equalizer of life - the playing field is completely level for all of us when it comes to time. You may have millions of dollars, but you still only have 24 hours in a day. You may be penniless, but you get the same amount of seconds in a day (86,400, by the way) as the person who has everything. And no matter what we are doing in our day, time continues to move on. Rarely do any of us stop and consider, "How did I spend my time today? Was it spent wisely, on things that really matter, or did I spend my time foolishly?"

I have a good friend who years ago accepted job with a mega corporation. This mega corporation promised him a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In his mid-20's, he was making a six figure salary, and it only continued to grow, and the expectation was it would continue and continue. The only thing he had to do was to give the company his soul. Long hours, complete devotion to the company above all else, and to be willing to sacrifice whatever it took to insure that he was successful (and thus the company was successful) in everything he did.

Don't get me wrong - spending time working to earn a living and to be able to support your family is a good thing and a wise way to spend your time. Selling your soul to a company at the peril of your family, your physical well-being, and your spiritual life, is not.

Paul, this guy who wrote 13 letters that we now have in the New Testament, gave this advice to nearly 2000 years to a group of people living in the Roman world: "Be careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16

Time is such a precious commodity. Are you making the most of the 84,600 given to you today? Are too many hours spent at the office? Are too many of those seconds spent on the internet? (okay, I know you are online right now, so I'm not being critical of the internet... but people who spend 8 hours a day on Facebook? Come on...) What about the hours you spend watching television? (again, not critical of TV. See previous posting. But just because Fox shows a Bachelorette marathon doesn't mean that you have to watch it for 24 hours straight.) Are there other things in your life that may be good things, but you are spending far too many of your minutes on those things instead of other priorities? Maybe today you can take just a few of the seconds that God has given to you to evaluate your time-spending habits.

By the way, my friend ultimately decided that it wasn't worth sacrificing his relationships with his wife and children for that pot of gold and left the mega corporation. Pretty good move if you ask me.

Fall Programming

There are many reasons that fall is my favorite season of the year: football, the cool, crisp air, the changing of the leaves, the anticipation of the holidays being just around the corner. Another reason I love fall is that it marks an end to the reruns of summer television and the beginning of new shows. There is always a little bit of a tug-a-war around my house over television watching. My wife likes all the reality shows: The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette in The Real World Dancing with The Stars Plus Eight. I cannot stand those shows. The last thing I want to watch is a reality show. Everyday life is a reality show for me. When I watch television, I want an escape from reality. I want shows that are about fake people living fake lives working for fake organizations (think Jack Bauer working for the fictional government organization known as CTU.) I want, for 30 minutes or an hour, to escape from reality and to simply enjoy a drama that is not real life, but created in the mind of some Hollywood writer.

But one of the things that is a must for me is that the characters and the plot of the show have to follow the ground rules laid out by the show. I'm fine with Superman flying, but Superman cannot suddenly be immune to kryptonite. The ground rules of the show state that kryptonite destroys Superman's powers. I'm fine with the characters on Lost traveling though different time periods as long as they follow the ground rules of the show. (by the way, they'd better fully explain the smoke monster sometime during this last season). I'm fine with Claire on Heroes having the ability to heal herself, but she cannot suddenly develop some other power that violates the ground rules of the show. Everyone must operate within the physical, spiritual, astrological, or whatever rules of the plot laid out by the writers of the show.

The greatest plot in history is about Jesus Christ coming into the world, becoming human, and ultimately giving his life for the sins of humanity. When an angel comes to a young teenage girl named Mary and tells her that she is going to have this child who will save the world, Mary replies, "Impossible. Cannot happen. I'm a virgin. This violates the ground rules of the show." The angel responds by telling her that she will give birth to this child, even though she is a virgin, and then says: "For nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1:37)

Is there something going on in your life today that you just do not believe God can change? Have you laid out the ground rules in your mind and believe that it is impossible for God to work in your situation? Have you figured that your problem is so big that it is impossible for even God to handle?

Maybe the best thing you could do for yourself today is to find a Bible and read the story found in Luke 1. Perhaps today God wants you to renew your faith in Him that even though certain things seem physically, spiritually, astrologically, or whatever impossible in your life, that our God is so big and powerful that He can intervene and work miracles in your situation.

My Wife, The Criminal

Okay, so I told you last week that my wife is part of the leadership team of a small group of teenage girls. They meet every Sunday night, eat dinner together, and then study God's word and share with each other about their lives. This meeting normally takes place at a leader's home that is about 5 or 6 miles from where we live. So far, so good, right?

Last night my wife calls me about 8:30. I assumed that she was just calling me to tell me that she was on her way home from her small group. I was half right - she was on her way home from her small group, but that was not why she was calling me. She was calling me to tell me that she was pulled over to the side of the road because behind her was the sight of those gut-wrenching, horrifying, make-you-want-to-throw-up red and blue lights flashing away. She'd been pulled over and wanted me to know two things: 1) She'd been pulled over and was flipping out and 2) She'd left her wallet and her driver's license in our child's diaper bag, which was at home.

My wife is from North Carolina, and so at this point there was this great temptation on my part to tell her that in Georgia driving without a license is a serious crime, and that they will immediately take you to jail because they cannot allow you to drive any further if you do not have your license, and that I was going to just meet her at the police station with bail money in hand... but I enjoy living too much, so I decided that was not the best idea.

Actually, I knew exactly why those red and blue lights were flashing behind my wife, but you'll need to read to the end of the story to find out why.

There are fewer worse feelings in the world than driving down the road and suddenly realizing that the police officer behind you wants you to pull over. All sorts of thoughts will race through your mind: "Was I speeding?" "Did I run a red light?" "Have those unpaid parking tickets finally caught up to me?" And in that eternal wait for the officer to get out of his car and come to your window, this sickening feeling grows from somewhere deep within your bowels and consumes your entire body, so that by the time he arrives at your window, all you can do is stutter the phrase, "I-i-i-s th-th-th-ere a pro-pro-pro-blem of-of-of-ficer?" The experience of being pulled over - the heart racing, the stomach acid rising, the full-body tension - is, to me, the picture of anxiety.

In my devotional time this morning I read some wise words written about 2000 years ago: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6) My first thought was, "Yeah, right." Life is always throwing at us things that cause us anxiety: the possibility of losing our jobs, a rebellious teenager, the mortgage payment, or even getting pulled over by a police officer on the way home from a Bible study. This advice, do not be anxious about anything, may sound good, but it sure is hard to apply to our lives, right?

The writer of this verse is not saying that it's an automatic deal. What he is saying is that the more we grow in our relationship to God, the more that we are able to turn over our problems and issues to this God Who is in complete control of all of life. What has you anxious today? Your job? Problems with your spouse? Health issues? Your battle against anxiety is best fought on your knees, growing closer to the God who is fully able to handle any problem that you dump in His lap today.

"License and registration please." "Um-m-m, of-of-officer. My license is in my diaper bag at home." "That's pretty bad, but I guess I've heard worse excuses." He got her information, went back to his car, and then came back and asked her to step outside the car. Remember, I'm on the other end of the phone through this whole deal.

"Is this your car or your husband's car?" "Both of ours." "I think we need to blame this on your husband, then. You've got a tail light out that you need to get fixed. I wrote you a warning for driving without a license, but tell your husband to get some new bulbs for this tail light." In actuality, her husband knew about the light being out. He has just been too lazy, um, I mean, busy, to get it fixed.

So the whole thing ended well, and kudos to the Macon police department for hiring this officer who was very professional, very kind to my wife, and knew enough to blame me instead of her for the tail light situation.

Toxic Mess

Last Sunday evening my wife gave me dad duty. She helps lead a small group of teenage girls at our church, and they were having a birthday party of sorts, so she was gone for several hours and left me in charge of our six month old daughter. It's not that this was the first time that I'd ever had dad duty; it's just that normally my times in charge are brief and have major overlap with her nap times. This time I was completely in charge for a period of several hours, and most of that time my beautiful daughter Elizabeth was awake. So the odds were against me that my dad duty would turn to diaper duty. Sure enough, it did, and it was not the diaper duty of the "wet only" variety. This one was serious and should have involved a Hazmat team. I did not want to back down from my dad duty, though, so I attached my gas mask and decided to take care of business.

Everything was going just fine up until the point that I detached the diaper. Somehow my precious little girl managed to get her hand into the diaper area. I quickly reached for the baby wipes, grabbing 20-30 to quickly wipe away any, ummm, stuff, before it spread. My mission failed. I would wipe, and then somehow her hand would manage to get back into the diaper and continue to spread the "issue." The more I tried to clean up the situation, the more it spread. Suddenly the “issue” was on me, on her, and on the changing pad. I quickly realized that I was fighting a losing battle, and so I scooped up the little pooper and ran for the bathtub. Evidently, I didn’t do the whole bath thing like mommy does it, because she screamed bloody murder at me the entire time. Finally, once the evidence was off me and her, I wrapped her in her towel and held her close to me. She was nice and clean and sweet and I’d finally managed to abate the screaming and shut off the flow of tears. It was such a tender moment, holding my wonderful little girl close to me and telling her everything was going to be okay. That was, until, I felt this warm substance running down my arm. She’d decided to throw up all over me and her pretty pink bath towel. Back to the bath tub...

Later that evening (once I’d put the sweet little emitter of harmful toxins to bed), I started thinking, “None of this would have happened if she would have let me change her without fighting me the whole time. She would have been clean, she would not have gone through the whole bath fiasco, and probably would not have thrown up from the experience if she’d just let me handle the situation.”

So many times our relationship with God is the same way. He is perfectly capable of handling our situation, but we try to help God and make an absolute mess. In my sermon this past Sunday I used the story of Abraham and Sarah. God made a promise to them that they would have children. They doubted his promise and decided that they needed to help Him out. So they enlisted Hagar, their younger Egyptian servant, to be the second wife of Abraham and to give him children. They succeeded in their mission, but Hagar’s son, Ishmael, became the father of the Arab people, and they have been fighting with the Jewish people to this day. To put it in brief, Abraham and Sarah decided to handle the situation themselves and made quite a mess.

What are you trying to take back from God today? What are you trying to handle, or rush along, or manipulate because God isn’t working the way you want Him to work? Are you trying to “help” God in an area of your life that He has completely under control? Be careful...you may end up with a toxic mess on your hands!

Image

This coming Sunday I’m starting a series called, “Image.” I’ve probably been challenged more studying for this series than any series I’ve done in a long time. All of us (yes, even preacher types) are caught up in appearances. We all care about our own looks, having the right image, and making a good first impression. I think that more than any other time in world history, we are absolutely, overwhelmingly consumed with image. Just think, someone could hire an advertising firm and with enough money and the right people, take anyone, ANYONE, and make that person famous by giving him or her the right image. No matter how much that person had achieved, or what kind of talents she possessed, or the depth of his character, with the right PR people, that person could really be somebody. It’s all about the look!

So often our lives seem to just revolve around this idea of having the right image. We all want to be accepted, and since the world screams at us that it takes a certain image to be loved and accepted, we will spend whatever time, money, and energy we have to get that image.

I read this past week that some psychologists have said that a person’s self worth is largely determined by what he thinks the most important person in his life thinks about him. In other words, if you’re girlfriend is the most important person in your life, then her view of you will determine your view of yourself. The only problem is that we are depending on imperfect people to help us determine our self worth! And for a lot of people, their view of themselves is pretty low because they’ve been surrounded by those who’ve constantly beat them down throughout their lives.

But I’ve got great news for all of us – God’s view of us is not based upon our look, or our fashion sense, or our performance, or even our character. It’s based upon Himself, and because of that, He thinks we are wonderful! This Sunday I’m talking about what the Bible says about how God views us. If God is most important in our lives, then it ought to be His view of us that determines our self worth.